Two beers for Laurie at the door!

New Years Eve was spent walking around NY city maintaining a buzz. My old buddies from high school had met me and we started the afternoon drinking beer in central park, we tried to hide it as we drank out of bags. I felt 16 again, hiding our drinking and stuff.

It was dark as we headed back through the city and stopped to look at giant monster crabs in the window. One friend was a very pretty girl from high school. I dragged her to one side and said “Hey lets kiss” and she said “hey yeah lets,” but I was so buzzed we bumped teeth. I felt silly, apologized and suggested we catch up with our friends.

Around 3-4am and we passed this “thump thump chunka chunka” music so we entered a building and walked three stories up to check it out. When we arrived they wanted 50 bucks to get in! Ha! We were all broke by then so we left and went back to the apartment to crash.

But I was having too much fun, so I went back to see if I could get in for free! So its 4am, people were going in and out ( some really paid!) and I start talking to the girl at the door, “aw common, you know you want to let me in” and to the bouncer, “ hey man, what’s the craziest time you had tossing people out?”

Well the charm and persistence finally paid off! She gave in and stamped my hand. But there was one condition. I had to go to the bar and get her something to drink. I reminded her I was broke and she said to just ask for “a beer for Laurie at the door”. “Great” I thought, “I’m in, but I’m broke, what to do?” So I marched up to the bar and said “two beers for Laurie at the door!”

It was huge inside and everyone at the party was drop dead gorgeous; they had fancy lights and big art on the wall. Everyone seemed European and on weird euro drugs. Listening to that “chunkca chuncka” techno crap.

The next 4 hours was spent going back and forth for “two beers for Laurie at the door.”

At one point a bunch of French dudes went to an ATM to get cigarettes and I joined them. Although I could not understand anything they said, they found me hilarious and we laughed our asses off.

Finally this one kid was acting weird, getting in every ones face and people tried to ignore him. But I couldn’t. The next thing I know I’m on top of him and beating him. No one noticed or cared. I was embarrassed by what I was doing, so I got up and quickly left. But I calmed down and decided to go back up. After all, it was “two beers for Laurie at the door” night!

The next morning this is what I found in my pockets: a full pack of euro cigarettes with the lid torn off, a flashing light happy new year souvenir, and wrappers for things I did not eat.

The whole thing reminded me of a Seinfeld episode where George gets into a super model party. But when he goes back the next day to show Jerry where it happened, the place is a meat locker.

Spencer told me a story a few days ago, but I forgot it.

Yesterday was an eventful day for me... I foiled a robber of the coin machine at my regular laundry-mat. The place was robbed about 2 weeks ago and I happen to come in a few hours later while the owner was installing a new coin machine... so we talked for a while and he showed me how the guy broke in and stole about $1,000. So yesterday I was going to the store next door to the laundry-mat when a man passed me with a small backpack going into the laundry place. When I came out I saw sparks flying as this guy cutting into the box with an angle grinder... so I went back into the store and called the cops and the owner of the laundry-mat. I waited out front for someone else to show up... which ended up being the owner. The owner ran in the store and confronted the robber... who promptly dropped everything, slammed the owner in the glass and tried to run, so I tried to grab him out front but he got past me and we both gave chase until the robber held up in his basement apartment. Things worked out... the police finally showed and had to bring the SWAT team in to get him.


What a day!

Nancy Pants was asked out by this Art student who was trying to get in her drawers. He suggested going to see CAT POWER. Spencer had heard a few tracks and thought it would be worth while. Besides, he had dated Nancy and didn't care for the ART student so chaperoning seemed like fun. The following is his first person account.

We got there and it was not what I expected. The recordings I heard had drums, etc. but this dank little bar had nothing but a piano. It was a hippie poet crowd. They sat on the floor with their legs crossed and hushed each other. CAT sang (moaned) for hours and I drank to compensate. The ART student was busy schmoozing Nancy, getting all " ohh yeah, thats heavy, I really dig this" on her. So I felt it was time to shake things up. I suggested we move closer to the stage.

I dragged them to the front, " come on, you can't hear back there" I said as I stepped over unwashed heads and stepped on hands. We reached the stage and Nancy asked "why are we doing this?". "Because I'm an ASSHOLE" I replied loudly.

It was at this point CAT POWER stopped in mid song. Her back to me, she swung her left hand behind her back and pointed in our direction. The crowd moved the stringy hair from their eyes and glared at us. We sat down, but as I motioned to the crowd to "be cool" I accidentally bumped the mike stand. I looked up to see CAT POWER get up and RUN from the stage crying " I can't do this "!

"Crap" I thought as I got up and ran after her.

The next thing I know I'm backstage and a door closes behind me. I'm in this little room surrounded by bean bag chairs and candles and CATs looking at me like like I'm a stalker. I pleaded " its OK, you can go back out there, I won't hurt you". She didn't look convinced. " No I can't, too many bad vibes man." she said as she backed away from me.

It was about this time that I noticed the sound behind me was someone trying to enter the security code. I turned as the door opened and a tall thin guy says " Dude, you'll have to leave". We never saw the ART student again after that night, but I do remember that as we left Nancy turned to me and said "That was the coolest thing I ever saw".

Having heard the story I had to look up CAT POWER. I found the regurgitated blurb below and I think it speaks for itself. I never liked people who spell their names funny anyway.


Cat Power’s Chan (pronounced "Shawn") Marshall exists on a plane somewhat different than yours or mine, as anybody who has heard her sing knows. Her voice is unlike anyone you’ve heard before, combining raw intimacy with a gruff, chalky confidence, and while any attempt to interpret her lyrics comes up short, their plain-spoken lines belie an otherwordly perspective on primal human emotions. She's abstract, but always honest and true. That awareness has caused a tidal wave of adulation for Chan from her giant fan base, one that has tripled with each new record released. They’ll go anywhere with her, trusting that it always leads to a familiar place that will never seem the same.